The Psychology Of People Who Give Unsolicited Advice And How To Make Them Stop

People give unsolicited advice to make themselves feel better rather than to help others.

I never appreciated it when someone offered me advice I had not requested.

In my youth, long before I had gained a greater knowledge of spirituality and human nature, I had an innate sense that those who offered me unsolicited advice were causing me harm. I would feel as if they were interfering with my peace and meddling with my energy. Then, I would feel a surge of frustration toward them, take it personally, pull away, hold onto grudges, respond in an overly harsh manner, and at times, find myself utterly stunned and bewildered by the nerve someone had to invade my life. Also, I noticed that I was receiving unsolicited advice primarily from individuals whose views I did not agree with and whose lifestyles I would never choose for myself, which made things even more irritating.

Even though givers of unsolicited advice never led me away from my chosen direction, they instigated uncertainty, unease, fear, and annoyance. Lacking spiritual insight and understanding of human behaviour, and without adequate parental guidance, I struggled to set boundaries, control my ego, and find ways to comfort myself. I would keep chasing my goal but, feeling frustration and fear, as their unwanted advice—even though I turned it down—still got to me.

Later, on my path of personal development, I realized that some of those people gave me unsolicited advice because they genuinely cared about me. Our culture has a widely held belief that worrying for others demonstrates love for them; therefore, they honestly believed that their concern for me and unsolicited advice indicated their love.

Others were simply oblivious to their fears and traumas, so they projected them onto me, offering me advice, the majority of which was in the form of information that would only upset or annoy me because it was based on their worst possible assumptions about my ability to reason and make sound judgments. My optimism and joy seemed to be taken as naivety, delusion, and foolishness.

Individuals who provide unsolicited advice frequently do so from a state of low awareness, driven by emotions such as fear, anger, envy, pride, sadness, and insecurity.

For example, someone who has never traveled abroad and privately feels inferior to people who travel might interpret your enthusiasm while sharing your travel experiences as arrogance, reflecting their feelings of insecurity onto you. They might give you unsolicited advice to save your money for something more practical rather than traveling the world, just to release their own tension. In many cases, due to a lack of awareness, those individuals will believe that their advice was given with the utmost sincerity and goodwill.

Further, when individuals struggle with co-dependency and self-worth issues, they tend to concentrate more on the lives of others rather than their own. They often attempt to fix others and resolve their problems by offering unwanted advice as they become reactive to the choices made by those around them. Offering unsolicited advice often stems from a desire to seek external validation for one's beliefs and values.

Furthermore, offering unsolicited advice allows individuals to feel dominant and authoritative, as they instinctively aim to influence or control the behaviours of others and impose their viewpoints. This is also the primary reason why those who offer unsolicited advice often feel offended or upset when their advice is turned down.

In short, people give unsolicited advice to make themselves feel better rather than to help others.

Over time, I realized that every soul I meet helps me evolve and grow. Each piece of unsolicited advice that elicited a strong reaction in me pointed to unhealed, suppressed, or immature aspects of my personality and signaled growth potential.

When I reached higher levels of consciousness and gained a better understanding of human behaviour, other people's unwanted advice began to bounce off me, as if the givers had no impact on me.

Moreover, as we ascend the levels of consciousness, we find ourselves less frequently faced with individuals who offer unsolicited advice, because our frequencies become so mismatched that we no longer "see each other."

I firmly hold that everyone deserves the freedom to explore and create their own realities, learn from their missteps, choose their own direction, and progress at their own pace along the path of existence.

On the other hand, it is truly a remarkable privilege when individuals confide in us regarding their doubts and struggles or decide to share a moment of happiness from their lives. Even when we feel confident that someone is seeking our guidance, to prevent the chance of offering unsolicited advice, it's wise to clarify by asking: Are you just venting, or do you want my opinion and advice? Then reflect on whether in offering advice, is your intention to provide something valuable to this individual or to gain something from them, for instance, validation. Advice should be provided only when requested and only if it offers something meaningful to the individual seeking help rather than taking away from them. Therefore, before speaking up, one should consider whether they intend to foster clarity and tranquillity through their advice or simply seek approval or a sense of importance.

Also, there are instances where it may be wiser to refrain from offering advice, even when it is solicited, but we will get into that another time.